Have you ever seen that episode of 2 Broke Girls where they break into Caroline’s former rich girl mansion and Max falls in love with her tub?
I feel like Max and I understand one another when it comes to the perfect bathtub. A spa night is a regular part of my week, but my bathtub is a plain old, slightly-too-small tub in a rental. So, because I have entirely too much time on my hands, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to make it…how you say…awesome.
So without further ado, here is how I would create my very own ultimate bathtub.
The Shower Curtain Is The Bedspread of the Bathroom
My current shower curtain is just a little too Wal-Mart chic. Because I’m four years old, I like bright colors. I’m especially fond of galaxy patterns, and so I found this shower curtain, which basically makes me feel like I’m playing Mass Effect in the bathtub.
Unboringify The Water
Following the trend towards forgetting I’m not in kindergarten, who needs clear water? Not me. I mean, it’s useful for bathing in, and…you know, general use, but that doesn’t mean it has to LOOK boring.
Congratulations! Your Tub Evolved Into Jacuzzi!
My entire life is devoted to being super extra on a poor kid budget. That’s why this little guy makes it onto the Ultimate Bathtub list. Just stick it to the side of your bathtub, and it gently agitates the water. Not exactly a jacuzzi but definitely something to look forward to after a long day of valiantly not rolling my eyes.
Because Books Are Made of Water Soluble Tree Slices
Spa night is my favorite night of the week. I treat it like a little mini holiday, fully engaging in the spirit of #treatyoself by making a meal I love, drinking a glass of wine and eating some chocolate, and indulging in my favorite scent of bubble bath.
I also love to dedicate this night to reading – but alas, both electronic and paper books are pretty weak when it comes to water (Bathtub uses made of water! It’s super effective!) and I’m perpetually terrified I’m going to destroy a beloved book or short out my iPad or phone trying to read in the tub. With this nifty thing I can be at slightly less risk, and keep my wine glass somewhere that isn’t the bathroom floor. #gross
Because Nothing Makes A Bubble Bath Like Netflix In Surround
Sometimes I read in the bath. Other times I binge watch The IT Crowd and eat chocolate truffles.
For those times when Netflix is the entertainment of the evening, I need to make sure that I can hear the saga of Jen and the Internet in surround. That’s why two of these pretty waterproof speakers make their way on my list for the Ultimate Bathtub.
Plus, LOOK HOW PRETTY.
Why Don’t These Come Standard In Bathtubs?
When I found out that these brilliant devices existed, I felt slightly ripped off. I, being a fan of baths, have never met a bathtub that was actually comfortable for more than about 45 minutes – and anyone who is serious about spa night knows you need at least three episodes of a 22-minute sitcom to make it count.
Snag one of these waterproof bathtub pillows to keep your neck from feeling like you’ve been punched in the back of the neck by a small person for the duration of your bath.
A Few Extras For The Truly Extra
These are the basics of my perfect bathroom, but here are a few other things to make it the truly extra experience – some foaming bubble bath, extra fluffy towels, luxurious shower gel, and a pretty nonskid bath mat. These Lindor truffles are my favorite treat for spa night, and this is my favorite wine. If you’re into bath bombs, these are pretty great (and look beautiful stored in a tall glass pharmacy jar) and this candle from Bath and Body Works is what I am convinced is the most delicious scent known to man.
I could go on listing things forever, but it’s spa night and I need to get myself unto the bath. I’m interested in knowing, though – for science – what goes in your perfect bathroom? Tell me what your spa night looks like, bbs.